


Better to Have Loved and Lost

by Tamawind



Series: Songfics [4]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Break Up, Happy Ending, He's only mentioned he never actually is in the story, Lots of proud dad moments tho with Tony and Peter, M/M, Oh boy this is a trip, Post-Break Up, Tony Stark Deserves to Be Happy, Tony is a dad, but not in a relationship type way, this isn't really negative steve rogers but it kinda is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 16:34:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17964143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamawind/pseuds/Tamawind
Summary: Tony sipped on his glass of whiskey as he stared out the window. It had been two years since the incident in Siberia and some days he could still feel the cold biting at his skin as well as the horrible sinking feeling that he was going to die alone by the hands of the one he thought loved him.How fucking pathetic.





	Better to Have Loved and Lost

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on my train ride home from school. The whole two hours I just listened to Moral Of The Story by Ashe. So fucking good go listen to it I highly recommend it
> 
> Anyways this is unedited and short and sweet and also I love Tony Stark with my whole being.

Tony sipped on his glass of whiskey as he stared out the window. It had been two years since the incident in Siberia and some days he could still feel the cold biting at his skin as well as the horrible sinking feeling that he was going to die alone by the hands of the one he thought loved him. 

How fucking pathetic. 

Two years and his chest still aches over him. He left Tony for dead, message received Steve. Tony knew they weren’t perfect. God knows they were bad for each other but he had foolishly told himself it was love and somehow he had convinced himself that every fucking fight, every red flag, all of it was just there way of loving each other. He had believed it was okay and that everything was perfectly fine with them. Tony had been in love or so he though at the time. 

Looking back now Tony doesn’t know how he missed the signs. Everything he remembers being happy and romantic was in truth filled with arguments and fights. Tony knows now that he didn’t know who Steve was at all. He was blindsided back then in Siberia, he had no clue that the man he loved would leave him to die thousands of miles away from home utterly helpless and alone. If he focused long enough he could still feel the impact from the shield he repaired and upgraded for Steve hit him in the chest, breaking his arc reactor. 

He had accepted everything that happened he accepted that he didn’t know the man he had loved with his whole being for five years. The man he was engaged to. The man he got married to. All the pictures were long gone now, Rhodey had wanted to burn them, make a whole big show of it. Tony didn’t want that though. For all he had been hurt he never wanted to hurt Steve like that. God knows he’d deserve it but Tony couldn’t do that to him. He loved him too much and god wasn’t that a sick joke now. 

The wedding pictures took the longest to part with. The one where Steve had dipped him and kissed him after they had been pronounced husbands having had a permenant place in Tony’s workshop, on the same table that a majority of his work was completed, for a solid year after the incident. Tony knew it wasn’t healthy but he didn’t care this was his life, his mistake, he needed to deal with it his way. 

Eventually Tony couldn’t even complete his projects because the picture brought bile to his throat and caused him to go numb. He had once thought the picture showed the complete adoration and love between them, but now looking at it he just saw a man he no longer knew and a guy foolishly believing him when he had promised forever. 

The only blessing of the whole fallout is that Tony hasn’t seen him since. He had fallen for the wrong guy, he’d made a mistake in trusting and loving him. The fact that he wasn’t constantly confronted with that fact was a blessing in itself. 

Also it was probably all Rhodey and Pepper’s doing. 

In all honesty it was probably better this way. Tony had convinced himself that all the pain and hurt from his relationship had been love. He’d convinced himself he had loved Steve when really he was just engaged to this man and knew nothing else but him. Tony had to work hard to convince himself it wasn’t all his fault. He had lots of hours put in with therapists who told him that he had no blame at all in what had happened to him. That sometimes people hurt us just because they can and that’s hard to accept but eventually we need to accept it. 

Tony had grown a lot in these past two years, mentoring Peter was a welcome distraction to his thoughts. The boy and his Aunt had moved into the tower about a year ago. Filling the what was one empty and haunted halls with a wonderful new feeling of home. Peter was always so excited to work in the lab with Tony and show him all the new ideas he had for suits, web fluid and tech for the other avengers and supers he had met. Happy had moved in after he had started seeing May and now joined them for dinners, most of the time being the one to cook for all of them. Those days were the best for Tony. When May would ask Friday to put on some music and she’d play sous-chef to Happy, who never let her do more than chop up some of the ingredients. They filled the tower with a sense of warmth and home, Pepper and Rhodey even came by when they could and they’d all hang out and eat dinner together. Those nights were Tony’s favorite.

He knows he’s made some mistakes but it was alright. He was going to be okay and in the end he had turned out better for it. He had an actual family now and was surrounded by people who actually loved him. He didn’t need to convince himself that their actions were ones made out of love like he had to with Steve. 

“Mr. Stark! Tony! Dad!” Tony turned away from the window to face Peter who had run in with his laptop his eyes wide in excitement with a hint of nervousness in there as well. 

“The email from MIT is here and I, I just wanted to open it with you” The flush settled in on Peter’s cheeks as he admitted that he hadn’t wanted to look at it alone, Tony smiled already knowing what the email was going to say. 

“Well what are you waiting for kid? Open it!” Peters hands shook as he moved his fingers over the trackpad to click on the email. 

“Dear Peter, On behalf of the Admissions Committee, it is my PLEASURE TO OFFER YOU ADMISSION TO THE MIT CLASS OF 2023! I DID IT I ACTUALLY DID IT” Peter looked at Tony, his eyes welling up with tears of happiness. 

Tony took the laptop out of Peter’s hands before scooping the boy up in a huge hug, “I never had any doubts you’d get in Peter. You deserve to be there just as much as the next kid don’t you ever forget that”.

The ache in Tony’s chest was probably always going to be there. He’d probably always feel the echoes of Steve around him, but right now with Peter in his arms and his home full of little pieces from everyone he loved scattered about in it, he could care less. It was because of the love he lost he could have this one and he wouldn’t change it for the world. 

They went out that night to celebrate, the whole family. Pepper had even canceled her last few meetings of the day to go out with them. Tony had never felt more complete with his life than now. He felt a sense of overwhelming pride in Peter who was basically his son at this point and everyone around him. They had all helped him get to this point and they’d help him get to the next one, Tony had already started looking at PhD schools and even thought of asking Bruce about some programs since his field was more similar to Peter’s than his own. 

That night Tony went down to his workshop after everyone had headed off to bed. He didn’t spend as much time here as he used to, going up to eat with the others or helping Peter in the lab he set up specifically for him. Tony bypassed the workshop tables and instead went to a box he kept in the cabinet full of scraps. It was just a shoe box full of photos but when Tony picked it up it felt much heavier than that. 

People fall in love with the wrong people sometimes. It happened and in the end he was better for it. He didn’t need to hold on to these anymore, he knew that what they had wasn’t love. Not when he knew what love actually felt like now. It didn’t lessen the blow to his chest when he opened it and saw the first few photos. All their memories captured in moments of time to make them look happy and normal. Tony pushed back his emotions and didn’t even pick up any photos to see the others. This wasn’t why he grabbed this box after all this time. Tony put the box in a metal bucket he had laying around and took his blow torch off the table. He didn’t hesitate, didn’t want to give himself the chance to second guess himself and back out. Tony stayed until the flames died. He didn’t need those pictures anymore, he had new ones in all the places those ones used to be. 

After Peter’s graduation, Tony had even replaced the picture where Steve and his wedding photo used to be. It was a picture of Peter in his graduation gown, diploma and flowers in hand, surrounded by everyone he considered family; Tony, May, Happy, Pepper and Rhodey. It was Tony’s happiest and proudest moment so far and Pepper had hugged him when she walked down to see that the space that had sat empty for a year was full of them.

“I’m so proud of you Tony, I’m so happy to finally see you genuinely happy, you deserved this more than anyone else I know” She kissed Tony’s forehead and held onto him a little tighter, she had been there for Tony through all his ups and downs and she’d be there for plenty more of them. 

“Thanks Pep, It all feels worth it. If I get to have Peter and May in my life as well as you, Happy and Rhodey. I’d go through all of it again” Tony never wants to feel as numb as he did back then, never wants the ice to bite as his skin again.

For his family though, Tony Stark would do it because he knows they’d do the exact same for him. 


End file.
